︎ Process — eunhyungchung.com

Inspiration & Personal History

Why I became obsessed with WHAT WE WANT FOR TRUTH and OUTCOMES

My entire K-12 history was about going through the continuous entrance examinations. I went to art middle school, art high school and finally got into the art university. I’ve always been an exemplary student, a good daughter and a good person who never disappoint my parents or my teacher. I lived up to others’ expectation. Art was not an exception. It was something that gave pleaseure to others as well.
I first started art in the elementary school. When I was nine years old, there was a small street food cart nearby my house. Its chicken sticks were so delicious that I drew a picture of the chicken sticks and gave it to the owner of the cart as a gift. The owner was so grateful that she put the drawing in front of the cart and gave me seven chicken sticks for free. I think that was the very first moment that I realized how rewarding it is to please others through my art work. So when I was young, art was the one that gives pleasures to others.

WHAT WE WANT FOR TRUTH

_{However, when I was in the 5th and 6th grades, preparing
for the entrance examination to get into the art school, art was no longer a
pleasant thing to me. At that time, we all had to draw still life with watercolors or pencils. Although my teacher was keep emphasizing that the observation is the most important thing in still life, it never seemed like the way I saw. Natural objects always had to be drawn bigger, more vivid and fresh. And artifical objects had to be perfectly symmetrical even thought some of them didn’t seem perfect. Everything had to be exaggerated than the real and ironically, it seemed more real than the real. During that time, I learned how to exaggerate the truth and believe it as truth. THAT WAS WHAT WE WANTED FOR TRUTH.}

OUTCOMES

There is a sad memory that always comes to my mind when I recall my elementary school days. When I was in the sixth grade of elementary school, there was an art competition to draw landscape paintings in the children's grand park. I chose the scenery where the open field stretches out behind the large, sturdy tree and old fences. I felt like my picture was drawn well that day and when I heard people passing by complimenting on my work, I became more flattered by their comments. I pretended not to be too proud of my work, but in my mind, I was expecting a big prize.

_{A few days later, I had a phone call from my art teacher, which was the
source of trouble. My teacher said in a pleasant voice, that I was awarded the
grand prize. Since it was the biggest prize I have ever received, I boasted it
to everyone around me and my mother was so happy that she treated our family
and relatives to dinner. Every day felt like walking on air and everything was
full of bliss. However, my happiness did not last long and it suddenly turned
into disappointment when I got another phone call from my teacher. My teacher
said that the grand prize was not mine, but my friend’s, who was my rival, and
that I won a bronze medal. My teacher also had a great expectation for me and
he mistakenly assumed that I won the first prize. However, my painting was
criticized that it seemed so mature not in a good way and not like a child’s
painting.}

_{I was very sad that day, crying all day long until my eyes got
swollen and began to blame everyone around me, including myself. I was upset at my teacher who did not apologize to me for thismisinformation and I blamed my
mom for buying dinner although the results of the contest had yet to be made.However, the most resentful of all was myself who judged the value of my
painting only with the result and the prize. Before I was mistaken that I won the best prize, my painting seemed more shiny than anything else. However, after I realized that I didn’t get the best prize, it seemed the worst. I was shocked that the value of my art work can be changed in a moment, not by my judgement, but by others’ evaluation.}

On the day I was coming back to home by bus after receiving the photo of my picture, I lost my mind mistakenly taking the wrong bus and rode to the end of the terminus. When I got off the bus, the heavy rain suddenly poured down. I was crying in the rain like a crazy person protecting my picture from getting wet and waited for someone to help me since I did not have anything. Fortunately, one generous woman helped me and I was able to come back to home. However, this memory was embedded in my mind until now.

In 2007, I got into Sunhwa Art Middle School in Korea. However, in retrospect, I think what I learned during my middle school years was good drawing skills, good composition and what is A+ painting. I have spent quite a long time of six years, which takes up one fourth of my life, having been tamed to the way of education that tried to make students all the same, just like drawing machines or technicians, ignoring the personality of each student.
What was even worse was that most of the paintings seemed so similar that it was hard to believe that they were all drawn by different people, not one person. Even though I understand that students’ drawings could seem similar to each other because of the limit of materials and objects for the fair evaluation of art, their artworks were so confined, stiff and common instead of being imaginative, free and unique. I brought the photo of the workers in a factory because I thought it has something in common with that of students taking art practice exams. Students are sitting right next to each other in a confined space just like the workers continuously repeating their works at the factory. Their eyes and hands move mechanically and habitually. It seemed that schools were trying to raise students as a machine that draws well. So I was always obsessed with the outcomes, not process, and others’ judgement, not mine.

Of course, there were students who were not afraid of expressing their own opinions. However, it was not easy to act like this in Korean society, where young people should always obey and conform to the superiors or elders. For instance, in Maurice Sandak’s book called “Where The Wild Things Are (1963)”, “the rejected and lost things” were depicted as “the path to an alternative to one’s world.” However, in the environment that I lived in, the failure and refusal were not considered as a choice, but abandonment. Thus, in Korea, it was unimaginable and was considered impolite to reject the request of one who has authority and learned more than me. Since rejection was regarded as rebellion, I just followed what others pursue, what others say is desirable and tried to meet their tastes and their expectations.

Tests in Korea are more like testing students’ memorizing ability rather than deepening or broadening the students’ thinking. The best word that describes Korean education would be “Rote Learning”. I brought some lines from one Korean drama called "Sky Castle", which I thought would be the best description of Korean education.

Captured images from Korean drama “Sky Castle”(2019)

I have been always wondering ‘Why all the top students in Korea want to be a doctor and why people think it is strange if they do not choose to be a doctor? Is this really their dreams? Or is it an implicit coercion set by adults and society?’ Especially, I was really touched when the actor said that he lost his real face and does not know who he is now, chasing after the dreams of others which were considered desirable.